Sexual Addiction Recovery - LifeSTAR Network

THE MAKING OF AN ADDICT

By Todd Olson, LCSW

Addiction. The very word conjures up grim reaper-like images-a cloaked specter lurking in the shadows just waiting to strike out and claim another victim. A terrifying phantom with so many different snares in his bag of tricks, that one of them is bound to find its mark. If he can't get you through the old stand-bys of alcohol, tobacco, and drugs, there's always sex and pornography. Or if those don't work, what about food and eating disorders, or even exercise? And nowadays, there are even 12-step groups to help workaholics, chocoholics, and even the organizationally impaired.

Unlike the grim reaper, however, some among us seem to escape Addiction's clutches, which brings up the question-why do some people seem so drawn to a substance or behavior that others are loathe to even try, and vice versa? What can you do, if anything, to protect yourself and your loved ones from being sucked into the murky, dark alleys of addiction? Is there such a thing as a predisposition toward addiction-a genetic propensity, if you will, toward addictive behaviors?

And while we're on the subject, what is addiction anyway?

You'll find as many different definitions of addiction as there are books written on the subject. These definitions cover everything from compulsive dependence to casual cravings. In today's society, many use the term "addiction" lightly. Have you ever heard someone say that they were absolutely addicted to chocolate chip ice cream or that their favorite author's books are totally addicting? Are these people actually addicted to ice cream or to a certain author's books? Probably not, but they may be displaying some of the characteristics of addiction.

A good formal definition of addiction that is frequently used is:

"Addiction is the use of a substance or activity for the purpose of lessening pain or augmenting pleasure, by a person who has lost control over the rate, frequency or duration of its use, and whose life has become progressively unmanageable as a result."

In more simple terms: If you cannot control when you start or stop a behavior, and if the behavior causes problems for you and those close to you, you're addicted.

You may have noticed that the above definitions are not solely related to substance abuse. Until about 30 years ago, it was generally assumed that the human body could get addicted only to mood-altering substances, which did not go beyond the obvious ingestibles (substances taken into the body), such as drugs, alcohol, food, tobacco, etc. But in the 1970s scientists discovered that addiction was related to biochemical changes within the brain. Researchers John Hughes and Hans Kosterlitz targeted tiny amino-acid molecules in the brain that are responsible for manufacturing potent, mood-altering chemicals. Known as endorphins, these molecules bear a striking structural similarity to opiates. This discovery, that the brain could produce its own opiates, has lead the research community to reexamine the biochemical mechanism of human behavior.

Thousands of studies have since been conducted to explore the relationship between thoughts, feelings, behaviors and brain chemistry. It has now become obvious that not only can individuals become addicted to ingestible mood-altering substances, but they can become addicted to non-ingestible, mood-altering activities and behaviors as well. Departing from the traditional definition of addiction-a pathological (or unhealthy) relationship with a mood-altering substance, Patrick Carnes, a leading sexual addiction therapist, expanded this definition to describe addiction as "a pathological relationship with a mood-altering experience."

With this expanded definition of addiction, theories as to the causes and the most viable treatments have become more complex and diverse. But there is one concept that addictionologists (those who study addictions) generally agree upon, and that is that low self-worth is a common factor in all forms of addiction. But what causes low self-worth? One of the major factors that can heavily impact the way a person feels about him/herself centers around events and experiences of early development in the family of origin. It would be a good idea at this point to look at the family system a little closer, not to place blame on our families or parents, but to gain a better understanding of where our core beliefs and behaviors originated.

At this point in The Making of an Addict, it will be valuable to take a closer look at the family of origin and how an addict's family may have contributed to his/her acting-out behavior. Please be assured that this is not about blaming the family. For all of us—addicts and non-addicts alike—understanding our family of origin will often lead to insights about where our own core beliefs and behaviors originated. This understanding may be the key to changing any unwanted behaviors, with a marked improvement in our life.

Our core belief system-in other words, the way we feel about ourselves and our world-usually originates from experiences and pivotal events in our family of origin. For your interest, I have included the Family of Origin Assessment that we use in our practice with addiction therapy. Filling it out is often an eye-opening experience not only for the addict but for the partner as well. In order to complete the assessment you may need to do some research on your family-ask your parents about their parents. (Ex: Why did Grandpa sleep out on the porch? You may find out he was an alcoholic or a sex addict.) (Why didn't Grandma divorce Grandpa? Was she co-dependent?) Don't worry if you're not really sure of the answers. Just do the research now and you may be able to recognize these signs easier later on as you learn more about addiction.

Another method of analyzing the family's effect on an individual member was developed by David Olson, PhD., and his colleagues at Life Innovations. They developed the "FACES II Circumplex Model" which examines two essential components of the family system: cohesion and adaptability. This model provides a way to look at the constructs of the family system, and proposes that when there is a balance within both of these systems, there is a greater chance that family members will develop and maintain a healthy self-image and a balanced lifestyle.

Family cohesion is defined as:

the emotional bonding members have with one another, and
the degree of individual autonomy a person experiences in the family system.

The continuum used to analyze a family's cohesiveness fits on the following scale:

Disengaged (creating emotional distance between family members)
Separated (fostering a sense of self and individual autonomy outside family)
Connected (emphasizing family togetherness and loyalty, working together to allow for some individual autonomy)
Enmeshed (extreme closeness and fierce loyalty, allowing no individuality, and little sense of self)

Family adaptability is measured by:

the ability of a family system to change its power structure, role relationships, and relationship rules in response to situational and developmental stress.

Family adaptability also fits on a continuum of four levels as follows:

Rigid (controlling and authoritarian leadership with strictly defined rules and roles)
Structured (mix of authoritarian and equalitarian leadership, resulting in stable rules and roles)
Flexible (equalitarian leadership, some shared decision-making, with easily changed rules and roles)
Chaotic (erratic and ineffective leadership, inconsistent rules and roles)

Regarding both cohesion and adaptability, the healthiest family styles fall within the center of the scales, often fluctuating between (2) and (3). When family styles fall heavily in the extremes, (1) and (4), the probability of resulting addictive behaviors is much higher. As a matter of fact, research done within the LifeSTAR Network shows that 2/3 of our clients who are being treated for addictive behaviors come from families representing the extremes in both cohesion and adaptability, with the most common combination being rigidly disengaged. Interestingly, when partners of addicts assess the adaptability and cohesiveness of their original families, they also fall-two out of three-in the extremes.

I have just barely scratched the surface in explaining the relationship of addictive behaviors to the addict's family of origin. It is a complex concept and should be handled with care, without placing blame. If you have uncovered some deep-seated issues regarding your own or your partner's original family, I would strongly urge you to seek face-to-face counseling with a qualified, licensed therapist in your area. For information on how to find a therapist, click here.